The food: Durian

Where to find it: Street fruit stand, Johor Bahru, Malaysia

Caution to all readers: the following post might be too mature (delicious?) for young eaters.

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The street fruit seller peered at me with curious intrigue, and I goggled at his fruit display with the same amount of fascination; actually lust would be a better word to describe my feelings at the moment. Over the time I’ve spent filming my food & travel TV show across Asia, I’ve grown to love Asia’s durian. This hedgehog-looking fruit holds legendary status for its taste and, more so, its smell. Whole Asian cities will ban the fruit from public spaces like hotels and subways because its fetid, whisping stench tentacles will likely strangle anyone’s shnozz within 100 meters. Seriously, it smells like “skunks ass” as I describe in my show. Coveted and cursed as “the king of fruits” and the “feces of fruit,” people either love it or hate it.

I love it. I devour it. And, as I mention earlier, I lust for it. Like some wonton woman in Tijuana, durian is something vile on the surface, but once you crack its shell, you unlock flavors and secrets. I call it the “G Spot” of fruit.

Enough foreplay, it’s time to spread this baby open and make sweet, durian love. The fruit seller taps each hardened shell of the displayed durians with a semi-rusted hatchet. He listens as he taps. The hollow sound from the tap to the durian indicates freshness and quality. The only barrier in my way to pleasure town is the durian’s spikey shell: its chastity belt. Thankfully, the durian seller makes quick hatchet cleaves into the hardened shell and cracks open the fruity love.

Inside the durian shell hide silky, smooth and sensual nuggets of sweet fruit gold (pictured above). I take my fingers and gouge out a yellow piece of durian pulp in a style akin to the character Mola Ram in the gruesome heart removal scene of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom¹. I bite into the fleshy fruit. Imagine your first good kiss—the supple lips, the dampness, the tanginess of love and lipgloss. Now combine that with a silky, custard texture and notes of glutinous crème brûlée and sweet almonds. With all of that you get durian—my fruit mistress.

Once you’re done eating the pulp innards, your body might feel a little warmer. Yes, it might be because you just “made love” to durian, but its also known across Asia that durian can raise your internal body temperature. To cool the body, it’s customary to drink salted water out of the durian’s empty shell husk. A happy ending. It’s like licking margarita salt off Gisele Buchden’s midrif.

So, for this #FoodFriday, enjoy the forbidden fruit in your life.

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¹ If you want to see the heart-gouging moment I describe, then go to 0:58 mins in the video.
² JOB OPPORTUNITY: The above picture comes straight out of another scene from my travel & food web series I’m shooting in Asia. Longa Travels Productions is currently seeking (documentary/trailer) editors for post-production. If you’re interested in learning more, then please send an email to [email protected].