His mouth exploded with saliva, processed meats and chunks of soggy hot dog buns.
Joey Chestnut, the hot dog eating champion, did it again; he downed 68 dogs to win the title once more. As per a Longa family tradition, I celebrated July 4th and my arrival to northern California by watching the local, San Jose hero represent America in total gluttonous fashion. I feel pain when I gaze at these contestants of Nathan’s annual Hot Dog Eating Contest. If Rachel Ray constitutes food porn, then this contest smacks you with the worst type of Hentai horror imaginable. It’s so taboo that you just can’t stop watching it in perverse disgust and delight. Wincing at this culinary Deep Throat, I oddly came to appreciate something:
Our troops.
To put it simply, America’s troops fought for our freedom. Because of them we may voluntarily shove hot dogs (rather than oppressors shove gun barrels) down our throats. Although I do not condone war, these men and women embody selflessness and make unimaginable sacrifices for us. It’s been said time and again to the point of cliché (yes, I claim guilty for adding to this truism), but our troops deserve our highest thanks. Thank you for allowing me to celebrate yet another July 4th. Your selflessness inspires me to end my college life and start my career with the highest of standards. Thank you.
Now let’s fire up some dogs and celebrate today.
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